Welcome to the struggle bus on Denial Road 2019. Where the I “found” myself, mastered the art of flirting in another language were not stops on my journey
With that said, you can’t have the good without the bad. Here are my Top 10 Worst Travel Moments of 2019.
10) Almost losing my passport at London Gatwick
I am a “wait til the last minute to board” kind of human, it’s talent really. Daydreaming of all the copious amounts of Kebabs I’d sure to enjoy in Istanbul, I left my passport at the self-check airline kiosk. I did typical pat down to check for my wallet, phone and passport. No passport. Instantly I knew. I just about completed a mini-triathlon, running, crying, sprinting through London Gatwick all while hearing two Aussies look at each other in my direction “ She looks like us just 5 mins ago mate!”. God must love me. I salvaged my passport and trip, but not my waist line with those kebabs.
9) Getting shat on while filming a vlog in Guadalajara
Apparently getting shat on by birds is a sign of good luck in some cultures. Well shat they did...amid a vlog in Guadalajara! Thankfully my friend was there to witness the humor and also help to wipe off the crime scene.
8) Getting a nearly rated R massage in Antalya
I’ve gotten some subpar massage in faraway lands, but THIS massage in Antalya has to be in the Guinness Book of World Records for “The most uncomfortable and semi-sexual” massage of my life. About halfway into the massage I more oiled than a WWE fighter. Without notice, my massage therapist, a petite Turkish girl begins to climb on top of my bare back in what I can only say resembled what Yogis call “ Cat cow position”. No emojis could describe the horror at that moment. And at that moment the Lord said, “ This too shall pass”.
7) Moctezuma’s revenge
What person on this earth doesn’t love a juicy, dirty, street taco. As proud as I am of my Mexican roots, my 23 & Me genetic testing couldn’t be more wrong that night. My cousins took me to one of the best and worst taco crawls of my life. Al Pastor, Carne Asada, everything... but Moctezuma’s revenge. I spent hours face down on the porcelain throne. Viva Mexico.
6) Frida Khalo Ripped my pants at the Swiss Days Festival
I found myself in the mountain side town of Midway, Utah for the Swiss Days Festival. At said festival there was an intriguing vintage store, which apparently sold goods from estate sales. I spotted a kitschy necklace in a dusty cabinet. It was a picture of Frida Kahlo! After making my purchase of the year, I immediately put it on. Within 5 mins of walking out of the store, I ripped pants ripped down the front. Accident, coincidence or Frida playing a terrible practical joke?
5) Getting scammed at the Grand Bazaar in istanbul
Growing up in LA, I made frequent visits to the Fashion district. Cash is king and bartering is a talent. Surely I’d picked up some bartering skills. Wrong. There are so many people, selling you tea to gold, sweets to carpets. Overwhelmed is an understatement. Embarrassed to barter, I ended up getting scammed 50 Euro over the asking price.
4) I paid $100 for Turkish visa I never got
If you Google “apply for a Turkish visa” the first search results will likely not be the government’s website. Clearly I know better then to apply through a scam website or third-party provider. Wrong. Honestly, I wasn’t paying too much attention. The website looked a lot like the official government website. I entered my passport, credit card, number, address, etc. I went about my business, and received an email that my visa would be reviewed and approved within days. I had read before that the cost would be $23, a few days later I check my bank statement I had a charge for $100 and no Turkish visa. Scammed like a rookie. The actual visa is $23 and instant download.
3) Misplaced my jewelry in a bag of Turkish Figs
After my terrible massage experience. I went upstairs to wipe off the excessive oil from my body. I was getting ready to head to dinner and catch the incredible sunset, when these expensive earrings I had bought were gone. I had taken them off during the massage and placed in a locker. I was sure they were stolen. The girl who gave me the massage and her girl gang were giving me weird looks, whispering to each other. After about 40 mins of my tour leader reviewing the tapes with the hotel management, nothing. I go back upstairs and check in my room one more time. I open the mini fridge to pop a fig from earlier. There were my stupid earrings inside the bag of figs. I walked downstairs with my tail between my legs and red faced to apologize to the hotel staff and my tour leader who was chain smoking outside.
2) Falling down a flight of stairs
Group trips are interesting. You have every character possible under one roof. One night got a little wild. By wild, I mean I stayed up til 1am sending random video message to friends while listening to Hilary Duff’s music with a group of my not so sober trip mates. Heading to bed and a poorly lit staircase, I missed a few steps (sober) and ended up twisting and falling on my ankle. I spent the majority of the trip semi-limping around Turkey.
1) Sexually harassed on a Turkish metro in Istanbul
Barcelona and Paris subways are packed, but not as sardine packed as the ones in Istanbul. I was with a photographer I had booked for the day. I knew in my gut this was going to be a shitty ride. I was sandwiched between two men. Men, or pigs who were not so subtly grinding on me the entire ride. I was to the point of tears. I broke out and tried to maneuver my way back to my photographer and we got off at the next stop possible.